Dear Bridesmaids and Maid of honors

*Disclaimer: This blog is very blunt and straightforward. This is in no way directed to any wedding party I was or am currently a part of. I simply wrote most of this in Aug of 2016 and I recently updated it as I am currently involved in two wonderful friends' weddings. I hope this blog helps future wedding parties understand their role before they agree to be a part of someone's wedding.* 

"Oh my God! Yes, I’ll be in your wedding!!!"

Ever been in this situation? Do you forsee this coming in your future? Read on to understand your role.

Brides (and grooms, but I am focusing on brides) have SO many things to stress over such as invites, budgets, cake, flowers, seating, venue hunting, officiant hunting, decoration, and the list will go on forever. This blog however is neither for the bride nor the groom (I've got a blog for brides here). This is for the friends or families who have accepted the invitation of being a part of the wedding party.

So, you are obviously special if someone has asked you to be a part of the biggest day of their life. Did you read that last sentence? A part of. That means you are no longer a regular guest who is simply invited to witness this ceremony/celebration. You are now a behind the scenes crew member.

The overall objective of a person who is a maid of honor or bridesmaid is to be helpful in order to make the big day easier by all means for the bride. This includes a few specifics that I will break down for you so you can understand better.

1.     A bridesmaid is expected to step in if anything is needed/goes wrong. For example, during the wedding if buckets of water start pouring from the ceiling and everyone is freaking out in a panic about their beautiful clothes it is expected that the bridesmaids step in to take care of business so that regular guests do not have to. The bride and groom shouldn’t have to get dirty or messy on THEIR day, so this is where the party steps in. You handle business.

2.     If there is a shortage of something, anything, for whatever reason, the wedding party is unspoken “family” so instead of being embarrassed in front of distant relatives and co-workers or professionals, the wedding party should already understand they will come ‘last’ on the list of cake or food or whatever. (Obviously this sucks and no one wants their guest or wedding party to go without, but if ever came a time that someone had to miss out, better believe the bride and groom rather it be someone like their best friends instead of guests)

Now, these are just two small examples, but you get the idea...

Maid of Honor 

If you are asked to be the maid of honor, please be prepared.

The maid of honor has accepted to do a lot of the leg work for her bride to be. She is in charge of planning and setting up the Bach party, unless the bride decides to do it herself, and she also typically will arrange the bridal shower. It takes money, time, planning, and patience. If you do not have these, please kindly say no to your bride to be. Be honest and upfront and explain how you would be unable to do your duties. This is a favor rather than an insult. Sometimes, on rare occasion, the bride will allocate money towards the two events if she is blessed enough to have such financial stability. However, majority of the time the maid of honor is the one forking out her own money.

Example jobs included with being a maid of honor include but are not limited to:

-calling venues to book bridal shower

-planning bach trip (and sometimes including itinerary for attendees) 

-gathering bridesmaids for planning/decor

-hiring a photographer (optional)

-remembering to involve and include bridesmaids opinions on plans

-collecting funds from bridesmaids for events

-ensuring the bridesmaids have ordered their dresses

-checking up with bridesmaid time after time

-assisting bride with food tasting/venue hunting (optional depending on bride)

-giving a speech during dinner in front of all guests 

Think of yourself as a "manager" to a very awesome crew of bridesmaids.

The main objective is to not have have the bride stress over these things as she is already dealing with her own stress like money, guest list, family If you are blessed enough to be included in someone’s wedding, please know your role and expectations before you sign up and become a letdown. Also remember that you should keep the bride in mind while planning- not yourself. So think of every angle as “is this what she would want?”

Example: If the bride is not a drinker, you wouldn't plan a night out in a club. You want to base everything off her interest.

While planning be sure to keep your bride up to date. This doesn’t mean you call or text them daily, but you do want to check-in. 

Example:  “Hey! Just wanted you to know I haven’t found a hotel yet for the bach trip but I’m steadily checking out places” this gives peace of mind to the bride instead of wondering or worrying. Chances are they will stress more by not knowing what’s happening or not happening so you always want to check-in even if you don’t have solid plans.

Bridesmaids

Bridesmaids- typically you ladies are the ones helping with invites and dresses and these types of events. If you don’t live around, it’s understandable you cannot be present at every part of the wedding planning. Keep in mind though a sincere call or text goes a long way to a stressed out bride. Just knowing the bride is on your mind will speak volumes. For the lucky ladies who live within the same city of their bride it is your responsibility to offer help before the bride hunts you down. The bride should not have to beg or ask you repeatedly. Offer your assistance when you are indeed available and remind her as it gets closer that you would like to be a part of the planning. Your enthusiasm will make the biggest difference.

Also, Bridesmaids, it is a common misconception that your only job is to get a dress and show up on wedding day. Hahahaha. NO. It is your JOB to set aside time and money to be available and present for festivities. While the maid of honor has the 'full time job' think of yourselves as the 'part timers' A great example is when the maid of honor tells you details on dates or locations, you put in your ideas (if asked) and begin the process of planning your time off work in order to attend. When a dress is agreed upon, you must act fast. Often times the websites/stores will discontinue sizes/styles after a few months. Do not wait. It is the worst feeling when 4 out of 5 women have their dresses and you're the only one left who didn't act fast enough and now you won't have a matching dress. It's not fair to the bride. This is why I suggest when you get asked to be a bridesmaid, truly understand what exactly you are saying yes to. It is not simply showing up on wedding day, it is investing your time, money, creativity and ideas.

I really hope this help! I would love to hear from past bridesmaids and brides if you all agree to these outlooks or have other views? Did I miss anything? I’m so happy my wedding is over with because I’m a much better bridesmaid than a bride, lol. 

I'll have been in three weddings by the end of January (2018) and truthfully I think I am doneeeeeee being in weddings simply because it's a big commitment and costly.

Leave your thoughts below :) 

-s