WARNING: FICTIONAL; In the mind of a Raped victim
Why did you do it? Was it worth it? You not only hurt me, you hurt my future. I am never going to be the same. What about me was so tempting that you had to fuck it? I was only ten. I was innocent. I am innocent. But you tried to take that away. You wanted power? You felt like you got it. Guess what? You dont have power. You have the opposite. You claim you couldnt control yourself. That's weakness. Everyone knows that. Being in control means being able to say NO to your disgusting self. Youre below an animal.
Was it my blond hair? Is that what youre attracted to? Or was it the way my face got red after I ran from the mailbox back into the kitchen? Did you want to be up close and personal? Did you need to feel alive? You know most people just get tattoos. But not you, you'd rather ink my privates with your own God given needle. Your huge, filthy, undeserving needle. I hate what you did. I hate that God allowed it to happen. If there is a God, why would He allow pain and suffering such as this? I was ten. I was a kid. What kid needs to go through this kind of torture? Am I stronger now? Am I better now? What lesson did I learn? Dont trust mommy's boyfriends? What the hell is trust at ten years old? All I knew was swinging outside and eating Popsicles. That's all I was supposed to know.
I hate God for letting this happen. Oh, but I cant say that, can I? I'm not allowed to not believe in a higher power. All those therapists and adults kept telling me "Bad things happen for a reason. It all happens for a reason." What the fuck is that reason? I am twenty five now, and more damaged than before. Not a day has gone by where I dont think about that day. That horrible winter day. It plays in my head like a bad movie. I almost dont want it to be stopped. Its like I want to be reminded what I have been through so I can justify my anger. Im angry. Im hurt. Im untrusting. I dont even want a child, because I would kill someone if they ever hurt my kid this way.
People say, "moving on is best" Oh, easy for you to say. Were you fucked against your will at the age of ten? Didnt think so. And if the rare case you have, and you coped and moved on, then good for fucking you! Some of us cant forget and pretend life is great and bad people dont exist. All I know is bad. Bad surrounds this world more than good. At least through my eyes that's true.
Youve been dead for three years, but I still wont be satisfied. See, I wanted to be the one to kill you. Just like in movies how they torment and remove each limb, I wanted to do worse. I wanted you to drink bleach out of a toilet after I puke and shit in it. Then, I would rub it into your eyes, with gloves on of course, and make you drink it again. I would get tweezers and shove it into your pee hole time after time until you cant scream stop any longer. I want you to beg for my sympathy. Just like I begged you to stop. Each time I shove that tweezer into your pee hole, it will be pay back for each time you shoved your needle, into my young mouth. I want to throw up remembering it. You are gross. But shit, "God" took you away. You lucked out with a heart attack. I wish I couldve attacked your heart. I would do so much to you.
Thinking of it, will all the torture have taken away what you originally did to me? No. If I had gotten the blessing and honor to murder you, would I suddenly be at peace? No. But would I have felt better personally? Yes. And that would be enough. My questions cannot be answered. My thoughts cannot be related to. Each rape victim, and yes we are victims, have a different story. Some even blame themselves and they think they are at fault for what happened. Some end up enjoying parts of the rape in an unexplainable way and feel guilty. The truth is I disagree with the guilt. Youre the VICTIM. We were manipulated and abused. Hurt and betrayed. We are in no way at fault. I dont care how old anyone was during the attack. If you say NO to something going in your privates, and someone continues to force their needle into you, it is rape.
So, do I wait until I die to finally be at peace? What happens when I die? It doesnt matter if I go to heaven or hell, assuming I believe in it, because my life on earth has already been a hell for the last fifteen years.
-ssr
So, if you just took the time to read this let me explain a few things. No, wallahi, I swear to God, all of that, I have never in my life been abused like this or anything similar. I have, however, known multiple people who had to endure this kind of memory. I get inspired to write at odd random times and most of the time it is opinionated, factual, stuff. Very rare is it that I share my fictional side. Reason being, most people would get freaked out and assume "there is no way she couldve just made that up! this has to be real! blah blah blah" and my answer to that is, Twilight, Harry Potter, and any other fictional shit that is out there. Its called talent. Good writing. Good writers (which I do consider myself to be) can make up whatever and go with it. I want to start writing more fictional stuff, its kind of fun for me. Obviously not all the topics will be happy fun inspiring shit, but this topic along with murder and crime are some of my favorites to read about, to write about, whatever. I just like it! Thanks again and take care, everyone! :)
Was it my blond hair? Is that what youre attracted to? Or was it the way my face got red after I ran from the mailbox back into the kitchen? Did you want to be up close and personal? Did you need to feel alive? You know most people just get tattoos. But not you, you'd rather ink my privates with your own God given needle. Your huge, filthy, undeserving needle. I hate what you did. I hate that God allowed it to happen. If there is a God, why would He allow pain and suffering such as this? I was ten. I was a kid. What kid needs to go through this kind of torture? Am I stronger now? Am I better now? What lesson did I learn? Dont trust mommy's boyfriends? What the hell is trust at ten years old? All I knew was swinging outside and eating Popsicles. That's all I was supposed to know.
I hate God for letting this happen. Oh, but I cant say that, can I? I'm not allowed to not believe in a higher power. All those therapists and adults kept telling me "Bad things happen for a reason. It all happens for a reason." What the fuck is that reason? I am twenty five now, and more damaged than before. Not a day has gone by where I dont think about that day. That horrible winter day. It plays in my head like a bad movie. I almost dont want it to be stopped. Its like I want to be reminded what I have been through so I can justify my anger. Im angry. Im hurt. Im untrusting. I dont even want a child, because I would kill someone if they ever hurt my kid this way.
People say, "moving on is best" Oh, easy for you to say. Were you fucked against your will at the age of ten? Didnt think so. And if the rare case you have, and you coped and moved on, then good for fucking you! Some of us cant forget and pretend life is great and bad people dont exist. All I know is bad. Bad surrounds this world more than good. At least through my eyes that's true.
Youve been dead for three years, but I still wont be satisfied. See, I wanted to be the one to kill you. Just like in movies how they torment and remove each limb, I wanted to do worse. I wanted you to drink bleach out of a toilet after I puke and shit in it. Then, I would rub it into your eyes, with gloves on of course, and make you drink it again. I would get tweezers and shove it into your pee hole time after time until you cant scream stop any longer. I want you to beg for my sympathy. Just like I begged you to stop. Each time I shove that tweezer into your pee hole, it will be pay back for each time you shoved your needle, into my young mouth. I want to throw up remembering it. You are gross. But shit, "God" took you away. You lucked out with a heart attack. I wish I couldve attacked your heart. I would do so much to you.
Thinking of it, will all the torture have taken away what you originally did to me? No. If I had gotten the blessing and honor to murder you, would I suddenly be at peace? No. But would I have felt better personally? Yes. And that would be enough. My questions cannot be answered. My thoughts cannot be related to. Each rape victim, and yes we are victims, have a different story. Some even blame themselves and they think they are at fault for what happened. Some end up enjoying parts of the rape in an unexplainable way and feel guilty. The truth is I disagree with the guilt. Youre the VICTIM. We were manipulated and abused. Hurt and betrayed. We are in no way at fault. I dont care how old anyone was during the attack. If you say NO to something going in your privates, and someone continues to force their needle into you, it is rape.
So, do I wait until I die to finally be at peace? What happens when I die? It doesnt matter if I go to heaven or hell, assuming I believe in it, because my life on earth has already been a hell for the last fifteen years.
-ssr
So, if you just took the time to read this let me explain a few things. No, wallahi, I swear to God, all of that, I have never in my life been abused like this or anything similar. I have, however, known multiple people who had to endure this kind of memory. I get inspired to write at odd random times and most of the time it is opinionated, factual, stuff. Very rare is it that I share my fictional side. Reason being, most people would get freaked out and assume "there is no way she couldve just made that up! this has to be real! blah blah blah" and my answer to that is, Twilight, Harry Potter, and any other fictional shit that is out there. Its called talent. Good writing. Good writers (which I do consider myself to be) can make up whatever and go with it. I want to start writing more fictional stuff, its kind of fun for me. Obviously not all the topics will be happy fun inspiring shit, but this topic along with murder and crime are some of my favorites to read about, to write about, whatever. I just like it! Thanks again and take care, everyone! :)
This is really good and makes you think. I think you should write more.
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